R.I.P.

My grandfather, Jerry Lather passed away this Monday around 5 in the morning. I got a call around 6 that i missed and the voice mail told me to call my dad back. My dad called again at about 7:45, right as I was going down for the flag raising ceremony at camp. That's how I found out. It took a lot to not start crying in front of the campers.
For the next 2 days I put on a strong front and continued to teach the scouts. Today i finally left so that I could go to the Wake, which is today, and the Funeral, which is tomorrow. I will be serving at the mass and be one of the pallbearers. I cant stop crying, I saw my grandpa 3 weeks ago, he seemed fine, he talked to me, gave me my birthday present, we talked a little and I walked away. The rest of my family got to see him again on the 4th, but i was working, i missed my last chance to see him.
My mom will be speaking at the wake tonight, i cant listen to her speech, i cant stand the part where she talks about how they've had so many chances to see him recently and shes glad for that, because i missed most of them.
And i'm crying again, I cant stop, I miss him, I have so many regrets for this past year, i wish i could just go back and do it all again, moving on is so hard

role model

well, i have found a new role model, someone to aspire to be like. His name was Icarus, for those who don't know he was the son of Daedalus, the master craftsman who created the labyrinth. He and his father were imprisoned on Crete, to escape, his father built two sets of wings made from feathers and wax, which they then used to fly away from the island of their exile. Before they took off, Daedalus warned Icarus to not fly too close to the sun for it would melt the wax, and not to fly too close to the sea for it would make the wings wet and make it hard to fly. Overjoyed with the feeling of flight, Icarus soared up into the sky, but he got to close to the sun which melted the wings, and he then fell to his death.

I wish i could be like him, to be able to ignore the consequences of my actions and just have fun, like everyone else seems to be able to do.