Blogy Blog of rant-ness

So, blah, this is just going to be a rant to get things out of my head, feel free to not read, if anyone even is anymore.

I'm so sick of people in general, i keep trying to be kind, I keep trying to bring friends into my life in the hopes that I'll actually have a close friend again, my best friend and I still hang out but we have so little in common anymore, he hangs out with my twin sister more than me now, that's just the kind of person he's become. And in the midst of slowly forcing myself to realize i'm not as close to him as I used to be I also have to recognize how it often seems not of my friends want me around the first example that pops into my head of course is today, I sat at home being bored and playing zelda, The person who i really wish i was a lot closer to and 2 of my other friends got together and hung out. Normally this wouldn't seem so bad to most people, i mean people need time without some of there friends, no one wants to spend every second of their life with anyone, but it happens all the time, my friends get together and hang out all day and the few times I have asked about it there reasoning was that the rest of them were in walking distance but they didn't walk there anyway, i'm all of a 4 minute drive away. And These are the same friends that I invited up to the farm, and a bunch of other places, they have fun, they come hang out with me and my family and other people, and then they don't invite me to anything they're doing ever.

The end result is I sit at home waiting for anybody to sign on to save me from this monotony if thrust myself into.

It doesn't help that the girl I like doesn't like me back, and the other girl i'm interested in who i thought wanted to go out with me isn't sure anymore. So ive slowly been forced back into the social void I finally though I had escaped in 9th grade, except now i know what I'm missing, and the abrasive thoughts wont go away when I start thinking how I'd do anything to escape, but I'd do even more if it meant my friends actually wanting me around or the girl i want to be willing to give me a chance .

I know what I'm missing now and It sucks, i wish i had just been left in my void back when I could be happy just sitting around playing video games by myself all day, back when I didn't care what the world was doing because I was content being in one of my own.

Im sick and tired of crying every night thinking that I am so far behind in everything I need to be doing, and how I got nothing accomplished that day.

I wish I could go back and change who I became when I was younger, I wish i could change my ideologies, my beliefs, everything, i'm not happy being lousy old Trevor Molineaux who isn't liked by his friends and cant escape to his own world anymore because he let it go when he thought he could make it in the real world , I want to be someone else, anyone else, not this lazy, crazy, depressed thing that sits at his computer everyday.

I guess its just another night that ill fall asleep with tears in my eyes and bad thoughts in my head.

And that was my rant, sorry you read through that if you got to this point