So its time for one of those way overdone and completely cliche new years posts:
So happy new years people, and lets hope to whatever is out there that its better than the last.
I enter into this year knowing that this was the last year that I was a child till the end and next year I will be off to college, and starting to pave my own way, its quite sad really. Im also dissapointed at how few of my friends I got to see one last time before next year.
So I have party to go to tonight, and then I'm spending the rest of the night with my girlfriend sister and then 2 other friends. It should be fun I suppose
Well anyway, a new years checklist, maybe if I post it I will actually keep it for once:
1. I need to start working out, even if its just push ups and sit ups before bed every night, i want to have some form of visible muscle by summer
2. I need to start reading a lot more, I've been falling behind recently, I am going to finnish at least 2 books every month, 4 if they're shorter
3. I'm going to admit something to someone I've been friends with for a long time something I should have old them a long time ago, and now its almost too late
4. I'm going to work on my nerd-cred
Friday, December 31, 2010
Wednesday, December 29, 2010
communication
So, I have communication issues and I guess I want to talk about them to find other peoples opinions on them and whatnot. however, there are a few different ones and idk if they all fall under the category of communication but here it goes.
1. The first and most obvious a being easily misunderstood. I find that I will often say something, thinking it makes perfect sense only to then find out how easily misconstrued it is. The most recent example of this is on my formspring a few days ago where I was asked if I thought scars were attractive. i responded with
"no, however how the affect my perception is different. Physically I find it hard to find a scar appealing, however It wouldn't matter to me in the slightest as long as they aren't self inflicted. I find self inflicted scars disgusting and repulsive"
I thought that this clearly said that I find self inflicted scars repulsive, not the people or anything like that, but then I was yelled at for all sorts of things about how I was making fun of people who have resorted to hurting themselves, which I wasn't, I find the scars themselves disgusting, and it was that perception which was the only thing the stopped me from resorting to that method of release when I had tough times in middle school, if you want to see the whole argument its here MY FORMSPRING But anyway, this happens quite frequently and idk how to fix the problem. I will just say things and later be pointed out to saying that that was really rude, or i would be told that someone thought I meant something completely different. This happens with teachers and friends and all sorts of things.
2. I have insecurities of my grasp of conversation. Like if i'm given a number or adress or something I get worried if its correct and check 8 or 9 times, it probably has something to do with a fear of failure. Its one of the reasons I hate calling people because I have no idea what to do if I called the wrong number. Or same with times and dates, I'll check them so many times and still get stressed out on the way there because I start thinking what if I got it wrong? I would have wasted gas and my parents time and all sorts of things. This is why I hate being told to do something cause I'm always worried that I'll have gotten the message wrong and something getting screwed up will be all my fault.
3. I'm sure other people have dealt with this one, never knowing how to argue a point until after the argument is over. Especially things about relationships, I will never know how to say something or what to say until an hour or two later, but oh well, nothing much I can do about that, I guess its sort of like stage fright.
4. Arguments, I feel a need to win them. One of my friends has been flipping at me a lot recently for this, and so did the person on formspring so I think they are probably one in the same, but whenever I contradict him he'll just say "Wow Trevor, you really cant stand losing an argument can you?" Part of it has to do with the fact that he gets aggravated really quickly, but that doesn't mean that the point is null. Other people point this out to me quite frequently and I don't know why I do it. I really like arguing and that has to do with it suppose, I don't like letting arguments die even if I'm losing, because its fun to try to come up with loopholes and whatnot, its a good form of mental stimulation in my mind. I guess its also because I don't like people to think me unintelligent so I will always try to defend a point I made. But I guess this sort of falls back into the first category, and I try to stop, but its a habit that's been building for a lifetime.
5. Joking, I always seem to have trouble with joking, not necessarily taking a joke, though there are examples of me taking things to an unnecessary extreme, see April fools day 2009, but people tend to think I'm serious when I'm joking, possibly cause my jokes aren't funny, or yet again the first category, but still, it gets aggravating. For example there is a counselor at camp who I made a joke to my first year on staff about burning the flag, but he thought I was serious and my entire second year on staff he kept hating on me because he is very patriotic, hes going into the army and whatnot. Once he found out about my navy plans he seemed to lighten up though.
6... well I'm sure I have plenty more errors with my communication, such as people thinking I dislike them, leading to their dislike of me, see example Hathaway, or my failure at misportraying affection and whatnot, but please feel free to point this stuff out to me, I try to fix it, its just not the easiest thing to do.
1. The first and most obvious a being easily misunderstood. I find that I will often say something, thinking it makes perfect sense only to then find out how easily misconstrued it is. The most recent example of this is on my formspring a few days ago where I was asked if I thought scars were attractive. i responded with
"no, however how the affect my perception is different. Physically I find it hard to find a scar appealing, however It wouldn't matter to me in the slightest as long as they aren't self inflicted. I find self inflicted scars disgusting and repulsive"
I thought that this clearly said that I find self inflicted scars repulsive, not the people or anything like that, but then I was yelled at for all sorts of things about how I was making fun of people who have resorted to hurting themselves, which I wasn't, I find the scars themselves disgusting, and it was that perception which was the only thing the stopped me from resorting to that method of release when I had tough times in middle school, if you want to see the whole argument its here MY FORMSPRING But anyway, this happens quite frequently and idk how to fix the problem. I will just say things and later be pointed out to saying that that was really rude, or i would be told that someone thought I meant something completely different. This happens with teachers and friends and all sorts of things.
2. I have insecurities of my grasp of conversation. Like if i'm given a number or adress or something I get worried if its correct and check 8 or 9 times, it probably has something to do with a fear of failure. Its one of the reasons I hate calling people because I have no idea what to do if I called the wrong number. Or same with times and dates, I'll check them so many times and still get stressed out on the way there because I start thinking what if I got it wrong? I would have wasted gas and my parents time and all sorts of things. This is why I hate being told to do something cause I'm always worried that I'll have gotten the message wrong and something getting screwed up will be all my fault.
3. I'm sure other people have dealt with this one, never knowing how to argue a point until after the argument is over. Especially things about relationships, I will never know how to say something or what to say until an hour or two later, but oh well, nothing much I can do about that, I guess its sort of like stage fright.
4. Arguments, I feel a need to win them. One of my friends has been flipping at me a lot recently for this, and so did the person on formspring so I think they are probably one in the same, but whenever I contradict him he'll just say "Wow Trevor, you really cant stand losing an argument can you?" Part of it has to do with the fact that he gets aggravated really quickly, but that doesn't mean that the point is null. Other people point this out to me quite frequently and I don't know why I do it. I really like arguing and that has to do with it suppose, I don't like letting arguments die even if I'm losing, because its fun to try to come up with loopholes and whatnot, its a good form of mental stimulation in my mind. I guess its also because I don't like people to think me unintelligent so I will always try to defend a point I made. But I guess this sort of falls back into the first category, and I try to stop, but its a habit that's been building for a lifetime.
5. Joking, I always seem to have trouble with joking, not necessarily taking a joke, though there are examples of me taking things to an unnecessary extreme, see April fools day 2009, but people tend to think I'm serious when I'm joking, possibly cause my jokes aren't funny, or yet again the first category, but still, it gets aggravating. For example there is a counselor at camp who I made a joke to my first year on staff about burning the flag, but he thought I was serious and my entire second year on staff he kept hating on me because he is very patriotic, hes going into the army and whatnot. Once he found out about my navy plans he seemed to lighten up though.
6... well I'm sure I have plenty more errors with my communication, such as people thinking I dislike them, leading to their dislike of me, see example Hathaway, or my failure at misportraying affection and whatnot, but please feel free to point this stuff out to me, I try to fix it, its just not the easiest thing to do.
Saturday, December 25, 2010
Christmas
I realized something last night, this will be a last Christmas. It will be my parents last Christmas with kids in the house, my last Christmas living at home, but worst of all, this will be my last time having Christmas as a child. It's so different from what I remember, when I was a child the room would be filled from wall to wall with a bunch of cheap toys that could entertain me for hours if not days and then one big ticket item, now there's just a few presents scattered about. We hung the mantel just a few hours ago and we have these little Disney character lights that we wrap around them and once we got the mantle up christen asked if I wanted to go through the extra effort to put the lights up. I said that this is my last Christmas as a child, and I'm going to be one as much as I can, so we hung the lights.
I'm not the same person I was last year, nor the year before, but i still cringe whenever I realize how different everything is. Childhood really is a blessing, being able to do so much with so little responsibility, and I feel that its wasted now, soon enough I will be supporting myself with an job and trying to figure out how the rest of my life will be spent.
It reminds me of the 10th doctors final lines, when he is about to switch from Tennant to Smith, he knows he's about to change, but when the doctor regenerates he is no longer the same person, for all intents and purposes the man he was dies. he simply says "I don't want to go" I dont want things to change, but I guess new adventures will come along and a new me will always find a different way of looking at things
Oh and merry Christmas or happy holidays
I'm not the same person I was last year, nor the year before, but i still cringe whenever I realize how different everything is. Childhood really is a blessing, being able to do so much with so little responsibility, and I feel that its wasted now, soon enough I will be supporting myself with an job and trying to figure out how the rest of my life will be spent.
It reminds me of the 10th doctors final lines, when he is about to switch from Tennant to Smith, he knows he's about to change, but when the doctor regenerates he is no longer the same person, for all intents and purposes the man he was dies. he simply says "I don't want to go" I dont want things to change, but I guess new adventures will come along and a new me will always find a different way of looking at things
Oh and merry Christmas or happy holidays
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)