So, like I previously mentioned I did not get the NROTC scholarship I applied for, and thus finding money for college will be a hassle. The real problem with this was that I all of a sudden felt like I wasn't even smart enough for the Navy to want me, let alone colleges or anyone looking to hire out there. This coupled with the fact that people have always told me that I wouldn't need to worry, I could get in almost anywhere I wanted, really started to irritate me, because I couldn't even get a simple scholarship.
This past saturday I could go online at 7 and find out if I got into RPI, my first choice and the first school I would hear back from. I was hanging out with Nick till 7 then drove home to go find out, unfortunately on the ride home I had a bit of a mental breakdown. I had an existential crises, just thinking to myself "why am I here? what have I been doing for the last few years? I screwed myself over so thoroughly that I couldn't even get a scholarship, and now I get to go find out that RPI and every other school I applied to rejected me." I got home and checked the website and sure enough, I was accepted, so hopefully I can afford it and next year will be fun, but idk, I'm still pretty shaken up.
On a side note, It hit me today that I will be voting in the next presidential election, it just feels so weird, like I'm not mature enough yet, I'm nowhere near done maturing. I'm beginning to feel like adulthood really is underestimated, I'm not ready for life on my own.
I've always believed in two things pertaining to this topic of "why am I here?". One, I believe that we are here because there are others who need us to be here, even if you still haven't met some of these people. Two, I believe that you are here for the sole purpose of, well, BEING. You are placed here and you must find your own purpose. The easiest example is that musicians, TRUE musicians, are here for the music.
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