Well my ex and i broke up a few weeks ago, i managed to find another date to prom fortunately, but my ex was pissed that i found someone to go with so quickly, she though i just got over her like that, which isnt the case cause im still depressed about it. now a bunch of my friends are hurting her and making fun of her which is the last thing i wanted but shes just getting more depressed and will never tell me whats wrong, i wanted us to stay friends but one of her best friends hates my guts and never lets us be around each other, i dotn think she wants to be around me any more anyway because i couldnt do anything about my friends saying things about her.
I know some secrets that are killing me inside but if i let them out bad things will happen, but i dont think it will be much longer unti; they come out anyway.
life goes on, and it seems my number of close friends has dropped again because of losing my ex, but on a better note ive started and dungeons and dragons group wich should be lots of fun, im DM.
Prom is tonight, im taking a friend ive liked for a long time but i havnt really talked to her for quite a while, she goes to a different high school now and thus we sort of fell apart but im glad for this oportunity, however one of my best friend went out with her before and still likes her, that may cause problems if she sees me as anything more than a friend, so idk if i want her to see me a just a friend or not.
oh well, now i have to go clean the house cause people are comign over for pictures beofore prom, adios
Saturday, May 22, 2010
Wednesday, March 3, 2010
12 Majestic lies
Ok, well i did some thinking today and I am going to post my 12 majestic lies, and I dare some of you out there to post some of your own. Here i will posts truths to my lies.
This idea came from a blink 182 song while i was on a bus on the way home, Aliens exist, anyway so here they are, my 12 Majestic lies
1.Technically i have only had one girlfriend i did not cheat on, doesnt sound as bad when you find out I have only had 3 girlfriends but it is still bad, in one case it was a kiss, in another i did some rps with someone without thinking enough to say no.
2. I fear that I am gay or bi almost as much as other people seam to think i am, i just never admitted my fear because then no one would have any doubt left.
3.I say it doesnt hurt me because if i said it did it would just happen more, but it hurts, every time someone laughs at me or pulls a prank on me it hurts because there is nowhere i can put my grief besides inside
4. I hate most of my friends, most of them hate me too so its all good
5. I actually do have a problem with hitting women, i say i don't because i will if they deserve it and no one else will, because in my opiniuon its better to be awful than to be a hypocrite.
6. I actually dont think the beatles are that bad, i just think that they dont deserve the amount of fame they got, there songs wern't great but they wernt awful either.
7.I hate standing out, i just am unable to act like the rest of society.
8.I actually do care that people like morgan and caitlyn(sp) hate me.
9.I actually do think WoW is more important than my social life
10.My only reason for not knowing if i want to go to Duke for college or not is Taylor and Tyler, they are they only people i really think i would miss
11. I dont think i have a good singing voice, i just like annoying people with my singing
12. Whenever my friends aren't around i dont really care about my cats, they are just there and often in the way, nothing fun and exciting.
I coulnt really think of anything for a while, probably took me 30 min to come up with the 12. wow
This idea came from a blink 182 song while i was on a bus on the way home, Aliens exist, anyway so here they are, my 12 Majestic lies
1.Technically i have only had one girlfriend i did not cheat on, doesnt sound as bad when you find out I have only had 3 girlfriends but it is still bad, in one case it was a kiss, in another i did some rps with someone without thinking enough to say no.
2. I fear that I am gay or bi almost as much as other people seam to think i am, i just never admitted my fear because then no one would have any doubt left.
3.I say it doesnt hurt me because if i said it did it would just happen more, but it hurts, every time someone laughs at me or pulls a prank on me it hurts because there is nowhere i can put my grief besides inside
4. I hate most of my friends, most of them hate me too so its all good
5. I actually do have a problem with hitting women, i say i don't because i will if they deserve it and no one else will, because in my opiniuon its better to be awful than to be a hypocrite.
6. I actually dont think the beatles are that bad, i just think that they dont deserve the amount of fame they got, there songs wern't great but they wernt awful either.
7.I hate standing out, i just am unable to act like the rest of society.
8.I actually do care that people like morgan and caitlyn(sp) hate me.
9.I actually do think WoW is more important than my social life
10.My only reason for not knowing if i want to go to Duke for college or not is Taylor and Tyler, they are they only people i really think i would miss
11. I dont think i have a good singing voice, i just like annoying people with my singing
12. Whenever my friends aren't around i dont really care about my cats, they are just there and often in the way, nothing fun and exciting.
I coulnt really think of anything for a while, probably took me 30 min to come up with the 12. wow
Tuesday, February 9, 2010
moderately less depressed
I came to a realization today, i am really proud of it though it took me this long to realize. No one is ever happy, just moderately less depressed, it took quite a bit to realize but its out now and things start to make sense.
1st off i have recently read Watchmen and am currently reading V for Vendetta, am thinking of rereading the prince by Niccolo Machiavelli and a few other books about the evils of humankind, and other things like that.
Its really refreshing, you know? to see someone who is able to just say how awful humans are? that's my new goal, to be like them. i idolize those authors for their understanding of human nature, and their ability to show the world.
We are never happy, never even content, just more or less depressed than we were. I was talking with someone i used to be friends with, she was spassing at me for hurting my ex girlfriend with some texts today because she said some things to my current girlfriend. Anyway, the point of telling you that is that this is what has finally proven to me this truth that i stated, and she was the first person i told, she laughed it off as a bunch of rubbish, that made me smile, how its so obvious to me, how i will finally see when i look.
earlier in the convo she said something about how she would rather hold a grudge forever than move on, and then i realised this one truth, that equals many others, yet is still surpassed.
On a different note 2 good things have happened in my life:
i have finally decided on my religion, I can say i am a deist, someone who believes god created everything, watched for a while, then left to go on to bigger and better things, ro to lase about doing nothing.
The second is during church the other day i finnaly came up with an idea for a story after my recent ideas fissled out and i got bored of them, its going to be about a healer, or a priest if u used gaming terms, in a war, and the woman he loves who is a soldier becomes deathly injured, the healer will give up his life to save her, to bring her back from the brink of death, his body falls to the ground old and withered, and in the background the army officer lets a tear slip as the man he loved gave his life to save the one who he had feelings for. thats right i said he. So he has a conflict in himself to either hate this woman who received his loves life, or care for her as his love would have wanted. in other words guy loves guy who loves girl, guy 2 gives life to save girl, guy 1 doesnt know how to feel.
and somewhere im going to prove that human kind is never happy, that will be the theme, i like it, as long as i dont get bored again i think it will turn out well
1st off i have recently read Watchmen and am currently reading V for Vendetta, am thinking of rereading the prince by Niccolo Machiavelli and a few other books about the evils of humankind, and other things like that.
Its really refreshing, you know? to see someone who is able to just say how awful humans are? that's my new goal, to be like them. i idolize those authors for their understanding of human nature, and their ability to show the world.
We are never happy, never even content, just more or less depressed than we were. I was talking with someone i used to be friends with, she was spassing at me for hurting my ex girlfriend with some texts today because she said some things to my current girlfriend. Anyway, the point of telling you that is that this is what has finally proven to me this truth that i stated, and she was the first person i told, she laughed it off as a bunch of rubbish, that made me smile, how its so obvious to me, how i will finally see when i look.
earlier in the convo she said something about how she would rather hold a grudge forever than move on, and then i realised this one truth, that equals many others, yet is still surpassed.
On a different note 2 good things have happened in my life:
i have finally decided on my religion, I can say i am a deist, someone who believes god created everything, watched for a while, then left to go on to bigger and better things, ro to lase about doing nothing.
The second is during church the other day i finnaly came up with an idea for a story after my recent ideas fissled out and i got bored of them, its going to be about a healer, or a priest if u used gaming terms, in a war, and the woman he loves who is a soldier becomes deathly injured, the healer will give up his life to save her, to bring her back from the brink of death, his body falls to the ground old and withered, and in the background the army officer lets a tear slip as the man he loved gave his life to save the one who he had feelings for. thats right i said he. So he has a conflict in himself to either hate this woman who received his loves life, or care for her as his love would have wanted. in other words guy loves guy who loves girl, guy 2 gives life to save girl, guy 1 doesnt know how to feel.
and somewhere im going to prove that human kind is never happy, that will be the theme, i like it, as long as i dont get bored again i think it will turn out well
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